I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
