I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
