I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
