I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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