How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
