my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
