I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
