grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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