it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
