please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
