sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you had me at cake vodka
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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