I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
