Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
