at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
