Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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