a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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