lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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