i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
