The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
