I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
