I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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