I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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