i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's official drugs can't kill me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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