did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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