He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
