pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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