I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
