I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
