i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
