If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
