I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Still dying that you shit outside
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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