omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
