I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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