This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
