just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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