I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
