she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
