So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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