You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
