Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
