That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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