dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you never un-have a 4some
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
