Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
