he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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