how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
