I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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