i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
