...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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