I'm gonna have a badass scar
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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