She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
